Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
