if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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