Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
