please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
