grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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