I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
