My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
