She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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