hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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