he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
