Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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