CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk is not a location!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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