I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
