the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
why is half of my head shaved?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
