Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
