I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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