and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
