Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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