i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
