Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
