when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
