tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
