Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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