I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
