I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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