hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
