Don't make out with my wife yet
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
