I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
