It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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