I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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