oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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