So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
