turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
