Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
