I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
