How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
