A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
