I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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