k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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