my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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