...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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