It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize