dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
