You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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