So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
