I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
