im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
