Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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