i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
