I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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