guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
