He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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