South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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