Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
