his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
