what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
