In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
me + whiskey = a bad person
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
