If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
